How to Fail as a Screenwriter

Dave Trottier of Script Magazine has written a clever article offering up the three best ways to fail as a writer. He explains:

If you’re going to fail as a writer, then you might as well get it over with now.  Then you can focus on your day job and watch television all night.  The following 3 keys are guaranteed to unlock the door to instant failure and free you to flop like a floundering fish on the floor.

1. Just say no

Why didn’t you think of this before?  Stop writing.  It’s as simple as that.  Wait for huge blocks of time to open up, and refuse to write until they do.  Now that’s commitment!  Don’t touch that keyboard until your Muse flies down from Mount Parnassus to reveal the 101 master plots.  Failure comes to those who wait.

And don’t listen to barkers like that Trottier fellow who tells you to make realistic writing goals and make time to achieve them.  “Writing is its own reward,” he says.  What kind of bull crap is that?  Remember, success comes one day at a time, but failure is an all-or-nothing deal.  You can have it right now by not acting right now.  Insist on your story unfolding immediately to you at this instant, or find relief with a TV remote.  With any luck, you’ll be unconscious before those pesky desires to reach your God-given potential begin to bother you.

Read the next two ways here.

2 thoughts on “How to Fail as a Screenwriter

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  1. This is amazingly well-written. It also applies not only to screenwriting, but to any kind of writing, creative endeavour, and pretty much life itself. I especially enjoyed the ‘Mount Parnassus’ reference. Nice.

    “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” – Ellis Boyd ‘Red’ Redding (Morgan Freeman), The Shawshank Redemption.

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